Started working on a new novel today, and no this one will not be going up on my website. Quite frankly, I am not sure if I will ever even publish it. I am writing this one just for me, as a way to explore my own emotional and psychological journey. As I do so I begin to understand why I have always avoided putting my heart and soul into my writing and why that much change.
There is a cliche, and I am not even sure who started it, or said the original version, but it goes something like this:
There is nothing more simple than writing, you just open a vein and bleed on to the page.
I find it to be very true, but just because something is simple does not make it easy. For years I have run away from my emotions as a defense and coping mechanism, but have more recently embraced writing as a tool in self discovery, self-awareness, personal growth and development, and mindfulness. I find it to be a challenging path that becomes easier to follow with use. Some of the writing I speak of is personal journaling, self-exploration of myself as a character in no story, but the life I lead, and some as part of my creative and essay writing on my log (this blog) and on Writing Happens (where my actual writing blog is located).
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have embraced some of the habit forming techniques I have learned from James Clear’s website (click here to check it out). One of which being keep track of your progress, which I have recently started using the app HabitBull to help me do. (Sorry apple users, there is only an android app last I checked, but I believe there is a pc version online.)
Another idea I have embraced is “I am not good enough to be disappointed” (which you can read about here). That was a big issue with me in the past, whether it was about work, school, writing, just about everything really. Once I embraced that outlook, things got a lot easier. Every time I get nervous or start overthinking and beating myself up about things, I just remember I’m not good enough to be disappointed yet, I still have far too much to learn. That has honestly helped my anxiety not just with my writing, but with every thing so much.
The biggest point that I have been learning over the last few years especially is that it is okay to feel. Being able to feel pain and discomfort (emotional, mental, and physical) is a part of life, and is how we let ourselves know that something is amiss, that there are lessons to learn. As a writer, my pain, my fear, and my discomfort are all gateways into my becoming a better writer, as well as a more caring and compassionate person.
The way I see my job as a writer is not just to entertain or inform, but to teach and open people to learning more and questioning their personal status quo, and I cannot do that or ask others do so, when I am unwilling. Thus I will endeavor to continue to explore and push my own personal boundaries as I hope my writing inspires others to do the same.